By: The Blue Troll
Got my copy of Halo Reach yesterday, and after beating the campaign in a pathetic 4 and a half hours, I simply wanted to “reach” for my garbage can and throw it away (which I actually did). It’s absolutely horrible!
When it comes to the story behind it, well we already know the ending. If you don’t, you’re an idiot. It’s a prequel, so everyone on Noble Team dies and the civilization on Reach all leave to go to Halo. All of your teammates die one-by-one in the most ridiculous, predictable ways, with you dying at the end in a less-climactic way then Red Dead Redemption. I just couldn’t believe how incredibly hyped this game is/was, only to be severely disappointed. I cried harder at the end of Toy Story 3.
Ummm… if you stand that close to the sun, you’ll melt. Duh.
Along with that disappointment, there’s also no more dual-wielding, these incredibly over-powered armor abilities (especially Armor Lock), and in my opinion a main character who is a bigger pansy than the main guy from ODST. There are also no more collectibles (such as Skulls) and instead you get to “collect” Data Pads, which you don’t actually collect nor get an achievement for. So I’m confused, what’s the point of getting these again?
Matchmaking is back, with Firefight being included. Too bad I already own Halo 2 and Halo 3 so I don’t need to upgrade my game for 60 bucks. Trust me, stick with your old online Halo games… you’ll still get to yell at 12-year olds and be as racist as you want.
Pretty sure this pic may be ODST, but what the hell, it’s the same shit
Don’t even get me started on the enemies. Tons of new ones… wait, nevermind. There aren’t any new ones. At all from what I could tell. How many times do I have to look at a stupid Grunt or punch a Brute in the back 500 times?! I get that they are part of the “Covenant” or whatever, but they could be a little creative and add something new to the recipe. Speaking of recipes, I have a pie in the oven… that’s far more important than writing this review.
Considering this is Bungie’s ultimate finale, it’s a severe disappointment. Sort of like having sex for the first time. I thought it was going to be awesome, lasted about 14 seconds, and left me ultimately disappointed and a little embarassed. Bungie, this is how you should also feel.
Do yourself a favor and don’t go buy this. No reason to give Microsoft any more money than they already have. Not to mention you’re going to have to pay more to play on XBOX LIVE soon. Fuck that. That price increase is a month subscription to my favorite porn site.
GRAPHICS: 8/10- There are a lot of framerate issues
STORY: 4/10- More predictable than an episode of CSI: Miami
ORIGINALITY: 1/10- It’s a freaking prequel for crying out loud
AWESOMENESS: 1/10- Played this game 3 times already… LAME
GAMERTROLL SCORE: 4/10
It takes around ten minutes walking time to get into town and that’s if i even decide to go that day.People can say what they want of that
couldn’t agree more. i hate traffic. it’s almost worse than halo reach.
haha what’s that supposed to mean